It's no good being angry with an anonymous person. There's no satisfaction in it. You might as well fight with a lawn mower. And since I can't be pissy with an anonymous asshole, then I'll be pissy with Those Less Fortunate Than I. Transference. I learned that on Law and Order: Criminal Intent last night.
How to Build Your Resume, Part One*
1. Ask to bum a cigarette during your interview.
2. Bring your child (or better yet, children!) with you to the interview and answer definitively "yes!" when asked if you have reliable child care.
3. Answer your cellphone during the interview.
4. Apply for the job while a policeman writes you a citation for speeding (shows multi-tasking capabilities, after all).
5. Do not show up for your first day of work. Call a few days later with a morbid explanation (death in family, grandmother's foot had to be amputated, car wreck or cancer diagnosis) and get rehired. Do not show up again. Expect to be paid anyway.
6. List "took customer's money" as a Position of Trust.
*names withheld to protect the ignorant.
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