Thursday, May 18, 2006

The Discovery Goes On

I found my birth certificate. I’ve been looking for it quite a while, ever since my mother handed it over at least one baby ago. I spent two days battling the 400 square foot debris field that was once a laundry room and there it was – in with the old school policy pamphlets, day care agreements and assorted warranties. What was I thinking, putting it in with what were important papers that have evolved in the natural order of stuff into trash. I’m nuts like that sometimes.

Anyway, I now know the hour of my birth. 10:51 PM. Eastern. So, after years of guessing what my rising sign is, I can finally find out definitively. And for some reason, this is vitally important to me. I just can’t keep on being a schoolmarmish Virgo the rest of my days! That’s just soooo not me.

(cue annoying giggle)

So, there it is in black and white – I have a Gemini rising. I knew it. I’ve always been a little schizo. I mean, not as in a tiny and multi-personalitied Sybil, but as in more than one contrasting personality trait. Little or tiny are not words any one would use to describe me, unless perhaps they were describing the limits of my patience or my liquor threshold.

Cherry-picking a few of the more “that’s me!” statements:

Restless in the extreme, you are easily bored because of your short attention span.
You have a great need to be yourself and to explore your latent talents and abilities.
You … will be known for the degree of intensity with which you dislike normal everyday routines and chores.
At times, you prefer to be alone rather than deal with any imperfections in yourself or in those with whom you might relate.
Ideas and philosophies must have some sort of immediately realizable, utilitarian function in order for you to pay attention to them.

Try it yourself!

Saturday, May 13, 2006

The Mother Lode

For Mother's Day, being the kindhearted and caring soul that I am, I'm going to share. I'm going to share some of the knowledge I've gained in 20 years of mothering. I'm going to share the things nobody ever told me, the lessons I've learned the all-too-hard way. Whether you want to know or not.

1. Floam will eventually grow hair if it is played with at the dinner table.

2. Hamsters like dog food. A lot. And you won't know how much until the hamster is no more.

3. The average time it takes a toddler to get a sucker stuck in his hair is 1.5 minutes. Thirteen seconds if you are in a moving vehicle.

4. Teenage boys will know it's time to bring the soccer practice stuff home for washing when they can smell it (in the trunk) from the front seat. The socks will ALWAYS be inside out AND wet and said teenager will disappear before you can make him pull them right side out.

5. If you start feeling complacent and giddy because your kids are playing so quietly and nicely together or alone, find out what they are doing. At once. Something expensive or irreplaceable is about to be broken.

6. There are no sweeter words than an unprompted 'you're the best mom in the world!' from a sticky 6 year old when you give him back his hair-free sucker. And none more cutting than the same when you won't buy a cell phone for him six years later.

7. Some kids bite. Hard. Never turn your back on a biter.

8. Any food can be finger food with the proper amount of wipies.

9. Character traits that are annoying in children are valued in adults. Asking why 40,000 times no doubt led to the invention of the encyclopedia. And the mental institution.

10. It all washes off. Eventually.

Happy Mother's Day!